I was asked a while ago “how do I document the adultery so I can use it in the divorce?”. Wow! This is someone who is clearly very angry. My first thought was "how?" How do you expect to use this information in divorce court? This information is not “legally relevant” and will not be considered by the courts... at all. My next thought was “why?” What is it that this person expects to achieve by presenting this information? Does he think that the judge will agree that he has been wronged and give him all the assets and the other person all the debts? And why would you want to do this to yourself? Think of the effect it will have to have such betrayal filmed, recorded, and documented for all the world to see. Why would you memorialize such a memory for yourself even? And what effect will it have on your children? Is it more important to show what a terrible person your spouse is, or to maintain the emotional and psychological well-being of your children?
Taking information and “proof” of your spouse’s adultery to court, makes that information public record and will increase your anger, hurt, and frustration, since the judge will completely reject the information. You will feel the victim because you continue to “play that role”. Acting (or reacting) because of what your spouse did or does, puts your spouse in control of you. Infidelity is wrong, it’s hurtful, and it’s a big sign that there are problems in the marriage. While your spouse’s conduct may justify your hurt and anger, it does not justify further bad conduct by you. Especially when that behavior affects the children. You can’t control what your spouse does, but you can control your actions to be the person and parent you want to be. You owe it to yourself and to your children.