Wednesday, February 13, 2013
5 Enablers civilized divorce
The real thing that you can do to reduce the difference in your divorce negotiations to make the experience.
If I pick up the phone to make another request, it does not tell the person on the other end to respond to something unusual "civilized divorce"? "Yes, it is." "I want one of these." To which I reply, "Great!" And we want to have a civilized divorce and creating a civilized divorce is not the same thing! What does it take to create a civilized divorce? I believe there are five key attributes that you're willing to bring with you to successfully call a civilized divorce.
Remember how you told the children that they can not always find someone like that, but they have to be respectful? The same goes for you! Treating your partner with respect is an important part of the process to maintain civilized. People who shout curses belittle Hohn, and invite your partners to snipe the same behavior back. And the behavior reflects the battle. And the battle will never be civilized.
There are other aspects of respect, you must have respect and behave respectfully to go to your partner. Civilized divorce, you really need to have to start with the self-respect! If you tell yourself that you are a loser, a bad mother, a lousy partner, loser? This type of behavior is addressed to you as destructive (if not more) than anything you could try in your partner. Have respect for yourself, your feelings, your strengths, your weaknesses. This provides a solid platform from which an emotional journey you to fend for themselves to survive with dignity and with a partner from a position of calm grounded handle.
And, finally, there is a civilized divorce, you have to have respect for their children. Most people say, "Well, of course," on it. And then I see people trying to restrict access to their partner or children, to decide that it is easier to get away from kids like to do with your partner, or their children were in a position where they will be asked to choose between their parents. "Where will you live the way, my dear," is actually one of the things that you ask your child disrespectful.
2). All desire to be good
This means that you, your children and your partner - and it does not mean that you have to be at the bottom of this list! But it also does not mean that you do everything you want and everything you want to fight for the children and food with your partner. Of course, everyone has a different definition of "OK", and not all definitions objectively measurable - and some of them!
So if you are looking for ways to make things work in the future, should any angle as much as possible and be prepared to listen to the needs and desires of your partner.Look decisions that determine their needs and not to disclose such a big impact as evenly as possible and away from children as possible.
3). Willingness to take responsibility
One of the most important parameters to get people to create a civilized divorce is a desire to understand that what happened in the relationship, they have to play their role. Most of the small part, to transfer part, an indirect role. It does not matter, what matters is ready to ask, and the responsibility for his part. This is not something that is absolutely necessary tobe communicated with your partner (although that certainly can increase civilized factor), it's more an inside job. This willingness to take responsibility is a willingness to take responsibility for shaping the future in a way that works for everyone involved.
4). Openness to the possible
If you need right in the negotiations on logistics and practical elements, which are sorted by the distance to be open to possibilities that the most beneficial, and produces a variety of creative solutions can be. Getting into these negotiations determined to get exactly what you are going exactly the way you want it is probably rocky divorce, if not completely uncivilized. Of course, to receive what you're thinking, but what's more important to spend some time to look at what is fundamental. There is a big difference between "I want a mini-van," and said, "I need access to a vehicle, which is large enough to transport children, a dog, and all of their hockey equipment." Use the mini-van is likely to be the solution. But who knows what is possible?
Another item on the possibility of having to open the possibility that good things are out of this sad event. Also seen as civilized, divorce can be a springboard to a better life for you, your partner and your children - if you are open to that possibility.
5). Sense of humor
Maybe this is a very black humor in this phase, but the sense of humor, though. Separation and divorce are not satisfied with the event. No matter how much pain and trauma caused by the event, it never happens that all look forward retreading or experience in their bucket list or plans. And keep your sense of humor is welcome relief from the hornet's nest emotions that accompany this journey time and creates a sense of perspective in the midst of pain.
I sometimes get the client, as we know from the last point, and ready to laugh at themselves, the situation and the vicissitudes of life, and all. When sorting your plans for children, house, money and dogs and in the midst of laughter, there are tears, regrets and farewells. It makes for a bitter and very effective mediation for them and for me.
You want a civilized divorce? Take the 5 settings and see their emotions and shift the dynamics between you dramatically. And watch our 5-inhibitor products, so you also know what not to do!