If your claim for Social Security Disability benefits is denied, you can appeal and request a hearing. This is good news because most claims, in my opinion, if approved are done so at the hearing. The bad news is that there is such a backlog of disputed disability claims, some people wait years for a hearing. According to a recent blog, "the Associated Press, the number of Americans receiving Social Security disability has doubled since 1990 to 7.4 million while the number of workers processing the claims has dropped. More than 765,000 people are currently waiting for a hearing -- twice as many as in 1998. The wait time for a hearing is twice what it was in 2000."
Unfortunately the recession has not helped this situation. For more read here.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Notebook - Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying
For many years, we have had a notebook in our waiting room aptly labeled "Waiting Room Reading." It is a collection of articles about mediation, divorce, and us and other material of interest to our clients. I don’t sit in the waiting room too often and had not read it lately. I recently read the notebook and discovered the articles again. It is a source of lots of material for our blog which will be under the heading of "The Notebook." Keep watching for them. The first article that caught my eye was an article from the December 17, 2006, New York Times entitled "Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying." The article can be seen at http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html but it is not long so I am reprinting the entire article here."Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?"
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?"
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Netflix and Marriage
I previously did a blog in which I suggested two TV remotes. Now with more and more people using Netflix, the two remote solution does not solve the control issues. What to watch was never solved with two remotes. In an article in the March 29, 2009 issue of the New York Times by Michael Wilson and entitled, "Hey, Who Ordered Gigi?" many of the Netflix problems for couples is discussed. See the entire article at http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/29/fashion/29netflix.html Wilson say, the shared Netflix queue is the new trench on the front lines of American marriage. He goes on to say, " Men and women from perfectly happy partnerships report their own dysfunctional cohabitation within the confines of the queue. Once upon a time, these sorts of disagreements were sorted out in the aisles of a video store, before a movie was selected. Now, when the conversation begins, it’s already too late. ‘It comes down to who gets the queue,’ said Michelle Newton, 37, a homemaker and mother in Leland, N.C. ‘Let’s say there’s a couple things I want to see," she said. In that case, she will sneak into the queue and move her movie to the top, often dashing the hopes of her husband, Grant, a reactor operator at a power plant, at the last moment. ‘My husband had looked at the mail and thought a guy flick was coming in, and it’s a chick flick,’ Ms. Newton said of a recent dust-up. ‘He’ll go back through and move stuff back up the queue. It’s who keeps up with the queue, as awful as that sounds.’ They recently cut back from a two-disc $13.99 monthly subscription to the austerity plan of one disc at a time, $8.99, putting all the more pressure on who wins the battle of the queue.
The solution may be two televisions with earphones. This is a lot easier than my idea of a split screen in movie theaters.
The solution may be two televisions with earphones. This is a lot easier than my idea of a split screen in movie theaters.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 8/19/09
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Tucson Mediates
Many mediators are interested in changing the culture of dispute resolution. Some of us have gotten together to promote mediation. One of the first things we did was to set up a web site. It is called http://www.tucsonmediates.com/. The web site discusses mediation and list mediators by specialty. We hope it will make people more aware of their dispute resolution options. Check it out and let me know what you think!
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 8/11/09
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 8/11/09
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Divorce and Your Health
Tara Parker-Pope, recently wrote an interesting column in the August 4, 2009, New York Times entitled "Divorce, It Seems, Can Make You Ill." You can read the entire article at http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/04/health/04well.html She quotes a study which says, "When your spouse is getting sick and about to die or your marriage is getting bad and about to die, your stress levels go up," said Linda Waite, a sociology professor at the University of Chicago and an author of the study, which appears in the September issue of The Journal of Health and Social Behavior. "You’re not sleeping well, your diet gets worse, you can’t exercise, you can’t see your friends. It’s a whole package of awful events."
I have always felt that stress is related to ones health. Certainly, divorce is on of life’s more stressful events. Ms. Parker-Pope discusses whether is it better to be divorced or stay in a bad marriage. I have always felt it is better to have a good divorce rather than a bad marriage and stress is bad for children.
Ms. Parker-Pope sees both sides of the issues. She goes on to say, "None of this suggests that spouses should stay in a bad marriage for the sake of health. Marital troubles can lead to physical ones, too...."‘I would argue that if you can’t fix a marriage you’re better off out of it," said Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, an Ohio State scientist who is an author of much of the research. "With a divorce you’re disrupting your life, but a long-term acrimonious marriage also is very bad.’"
Either way, it is always a good idea to manage your stress. I firmly believe there is less stress in mediation than in litigation.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 8/5/09
I have always felt that stress is related to ones health. Certainly, divorce is on of life’s more stressful events. Ms. Parker-Pope discusses whether is it better to be divorced or stay in a bad marriage. I have always felt it is better to have a good divorce rather than a bad marriage and stress is bad for children.
Ms. Parker-Pope sees both sides of the issues. She goes on to say, "None of this suggests that spouses should stay in a bad marriage for the sake of health. Marital troubles can lead to physical ones, too...."‘I would argue that if you can’t fix a marriage you’re better off out of it," said Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, an Ohio State scientist who is an author of much of the research. "With a divorce you’re disrupting your life, but a long-term acrimonious marriage also is very bad.’"
Either way, it is always a good idea to manage your stress. I firmly believe there is less stress in mediation than in litigation.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 8/5/09
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