Finding the right peacemaker to help bridge the differences between you and the other party is crucial to the successful resolution of your case. Many attorneys advertise as mediators and/or collaborative attorneys. The reality is, however, that few have the necessary training, if any, and, often, still litigate as their primary practice. As attorneys, we are trained to fight. Up until recently, this was the role of the attorney: the gladiator, if you will. With the increase in resolution awareness and studies showing the short and long term benefits of early peacemaking, many litigators have grown hungry and jumped on the peacemaking bandwagon. So how do you find the true peacemaker? Here are a few tips:
1. Reputation: Ask around. Most professionals, whether they are financials, therapists, or other attorneys, know who are the true peacemakers and who are the litigators at heart.
2. Connection: If you feel good about your peacemaker at your initial orientation, that’s a good sign that this is someone you can work with. Remember your goals (resolve peacefully, protect the children, etc). Do you feel that this person can help you reach those goals? Or is this person using hostile language such as “Your ex is going to pay through the nose”. Or “you are entitled to...” Trust your gut.
3. Practice focus: Ask how much of the peacemaker’s practice is dedicated to mediation, collaboration, and litigation. The reality is that some litigators would prefer to be full-time peacemakers but can’t afford to do so... yet. This, in and of itself is not an indication of the professional’s ability or dedication in peacemaking, but it can be a clue as to where there focus lies. If you litigate 95% of the time, it’s very difficult to shift to peacemaker for the other 5%. We call this the “paradigm shift”. It’s very difficult to do when the fight is in your blood.
4. Training: It’s okay to ask “where were you trained”, “how much training have you had”, “when was your last training”. There are constantly advancements in peacemaking techniques and changes in the law. A peacemaker who went to one basic training two years ago, may not be the best fit for your resolution goals.
5. Resources: Does your peacemaker have a library of books dealing with resolution in parenting plans, spousal support, step-parenting, etc? What about recommendations for other professionals for divorce preparation and post-divorce life? A peacemaker without such resources will likely not have the ability to help you achieve your goals.
6. Experience: Look for a peacemaker with experience in your type of situation. You wouldn’t want a criminal defense attorney working on your divorce any more than you would want a dermatologist handling your open-heart surgery. Nor would you want your cousin who just past his bar exam in Florida handling your divorce case in California. Many attorneys offer mentoring, where a new attorney shadow’s an experienced one. That is fine, so long as you approve of the arrangement in your case. But your case shouldn’t be the newbies’ practice run.
7. Involvement in the peacemaking community: The peacemaking community is relatively small compared to the litigation community. There are plenty of opportunities to get involved with local, national, and international peacemaking organizations. Such involvement shows a commitment beyond just a marketing tool.
8. Publication: A peacemaker who has published books, articles, lectures, or has an ongoing blog is someone who is up to date on peacemaking and has something to say about it.
9. Peacemaking web-sites: Sites like lacfla.org, scmediation.org, collaborativepractice.com, and others provide referral lists. In order to be on these lists, the professional must have completed a minimum number of hours of training in mediation/collaboration, and must meet certain liability and experience requirements. It’s not a sure thing, but it’s a start.
10. It’s listed above, but it’s so important, I’m mentioning it twice: trust your gut. If you feel comfortable with the professional, it’s probably the right fit. Remember to take in all factors, but this is probably the most important one. If you don’t feel intimidated by this person, if you feel comfortable talking to him/her, odds are the other party will feel that way as well. In peacemaking, you both need to be comfortable.
Feel free to share your tips and how you found your peacemaker.