As the oldest of the siblings, I remember wanting to make sure everything was okay for the younger ones after the divorce. I felt a responsibility to make sure my younger brother and sister didn’t see what was really going on between my parents. I remember at 10 years old, taking my younger siblings into another room when my parents would argue about things, which happened frequently. If my father was late for visitation, my mother would walk us outside and confront him in front of us. I remember trying to keep my siblings inside so they didn’t see the fighting. When they did fight in front of all of us, I would usually tell my siblings not to worry about the fighting, it was between mom and dad, and it would be okay.
As the oldest child I assumed the responsibility as the leader of the siblings and although I can’t remember the specific details of each incident, I remember feeling a sense of power as the oldest child. I had this notion that if I took all of the pain of my parents divorce, then my siblings didn’t have to take any. I do remember feeling alone because 35 years ago none of my friends parents were divorced, only mine. I had nobody to talk to, nobody going through what I was going through, and nobody that understood.
I don’t think any two divorces are the same. Unfortunately children react to the way their parents handle themselves and the divorce. The biggest mistake I felt my parents made was that they talked poorly about the other parent in front of us kids. As a child, when you hear your mom say bad things about your father and your father say bad things about your mother, you lose a sense of security.
If you could change 1 thing about your parents divorce, what would it be?
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