When relationships start to unravel it is instinctual to protect yourself. One of the first ways people protect themselves is by analyzing the situation and then placing blame. In the first stages of divorce, this can feel like a release; recounting the “little things” that now add up to monumental offenses, mulling over your ex-partner’s bad habits, all the ways in which you now love him or her...NOT. Psychologically this is the first step in self-protection and processing the loss of the relationship.
The problem begins when individuals become stuck in the “blame stage”. While it is human nature to believe we are right while the other party is wrong, we are also aware that somewhere in the middle lies the truth. This awareness can be lost when we feel hurt, betrayed, and fear for the future. Part of regaining your power involves letting go.
Although this may sound odd, the truth is that once you actually decide to move forward from the divorce, you regain your life. Yes, you will still have to deal with your ex-partner if you have children together. The goal is to communicate in a way that meets the needs of the children, while taking the emotions out. It sounds easier than it is, but with practice, being positive will not only benefit you, but provide good role modeling for your children.