Looking Up From the Mud

I attended a wonderful lecture last week on the topic of religion and divorce. Our speaker, a rabbi, shared with us a wonderful story that I shared with my clients in two mediations following this lecture. It’s a powerful image and extremely helpful for those in the early emotional stages of a divorce. He reminded us of the miracle of the parting of the Red Sea, when the Jews were fleeing the Egyptians in search of the promise land. Upon arriving at the Red Sea, Moses asks God for help. God instructs Moses to use his magic staff. He does, and the sea parts. The Jewish people begin their crossing through the muddy sea floor. All are amazed and hopeful, because they can see the rich, safe land that lies ahead of them. All, except for two, Ruben and Ira. Ruben and Ira are upset and frustrated: their sandals keep getting stuck in the muddy sea floor, it stinks of dead fish, and they feel this is the worst experience they have ever endured. You see, the problem is that Ruben and Ira are experiencing the moment by looking down, at the mud. They cannot bring themselves to look up, towards the promise land and, for that reason, cannot see beyond the mud and the smell of fish. Ruben and Ira have two choices: either look up and walk towards the promise land or stay in the mud and be crushed by the sea.

Couples going through divorce often have difficulty seeing the promise land in the midst of the mud and stench of dead fish. With the right tools and guidance, you can look up and see the promise land: a peaceful resolution and co-parenting relationship.

Language of Marriage

Joan Wickersham wrote a wonderful op ed in the June 25, 2010 Boston Globe about the language of marriage. See entire article at http://tiny.cc/cdm82410 She notes “that most longtime couples have their own lexicon — phrases that have come out of some shared experience and entered the private language of the marriage.” She goes on to say, “There’s a clichéd idea that what makes people stay in love is things like candlelight and flowers and sexy glances across crowded rooms. All that is lovely, and it helps. But so does our nerdy private language.” I have found this to be the case in my marriage and I am sure many of you reading this blog have found the same thing in your marriage. Ironically, when mediating a divorce case, this private language also comes up. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(186) 8/21/10

3 Mistakes to Avoid When Claiming for Disability Benefits

When filing for claims based on disability, it is easy to get overwhelmed. Here are 3 potential mistakes people usually make and how to avoid them.

a. Not Specifying Mental Illnesses in the Application
Applications for social security disability or SSD are evaluated on both mental as well as physical grounds. Both physical and mental conditions are evaluated in a very similar manner. If a claimant has a mental impairment, this needs to be included in the application. Sometimes, the presence of a severe mental disability coupled with a mild physical disability can be sufficient to help the applicant qualify for such disability benefits, independently or in support of a physical impairment. Cases of mental illness, such as depression, post traumatic stress, bi polar disorder and schizophrenia such be included when filing a claim.

b. Assumption that Disability Lawyers are Expensive
These days, it is easy to hire a social security disability lawyer and they get paid only once the case has been won. Therefore, anyone can afford the services of such lawyers. Most attorneys will only collect a fee if you get approved for your benefits. Disability lawyers can help you sort through the rules, laws and other guidelines to help you get approved for benefits.

c. Not Preparing for SSD Hearing
Not arriving to the hearing location at the right time can mean rescheduling of the case several months later! Not familiarizing oneself with one’s own claim file and providing a thorough record of medical history and supporting documentation can be a huge mistake for those without representation. However, claimants with access to social security disability lawyer services need not worry about this clause because the lawyer reviews and handles all aspects of the claim.