I attended a wonderful lecture last week on the topic of religion and divorce. Our speaker, a rabbi, shared with us a wonderful story that I shared with my clients in two mediations following this lecture. It’s a powerful image and extremely helpful for those in the early emotional stages of a divorce. He reminded us of the miracle of the parting of the Red Sea, when the Jews were fleeing the Egyptians in search of the promise land. Upon arriving at the Red Sea, Moses asks God for help. God instructs Moses to use his magic staff. He does, and the sea parts. The Jewish people begin their crossing through the muddy sea floor. All are amazed and hopeful, because they can see the rich, safe land that lies ahead of them. All, except for two, Ruben and Ira. Ruben and Ira are upset and frustrated: their sandals keep getting stuck in the muddy sea floor, it stinks of dead fish, and they feel this is the worst experience they have ever endured. You see, the problem is that Ruben and Ira are experiencing the moment by looking down, at the mud. They cannot bring themselves to look up, towards the promise land and, for that reason, cannot see beyond the mud and the smell of fish. Ruben and Ira have two choices: either look up and walk towards the promise land or stay in the mud and be crushed by the sea.
Couples going through divorce often have difficulty seeing the promise land in the midst of the mud and stench of dead fish. With the right tools and guidance, you can look up and see the promise land: a peaceful resolution and co-parenting relationship.