Driven by tragedy and divorce, Scott ("Scotty" as he was known) Dekraai is now being vilified for the shooting rampage that left 8 dead, including his soon-to-be ex-wife, Michelle Fournier. The real tragedy: it could have been prevented.
The recent tragedy in Seal Beach that resulted in the death of 8 people, including Michelle Fournier, at the hands of her soon-to-be ex-husband Scott Dekraai, has been swirling in my head and my heart since I heard about it. So I did some research on line: I wanted to know who this guy actually was, and what could have possibly led this person to destroy so many lives, including that of his son.
It turns out, this was actually a pretty amazing human being, who nearly lost his legs trying to save a co-worker in a tragic accident (she was sliced in half by a cable that detached from its hook). He was someone who cared for his friends and would check on their parents as if they were his own. And he was, by all accounts, someone who loved his son more than anything else. But after the accident that killed his co-worker, something changed in him. Something broke in him.
Then comes this divorce, and all of the F-E-A-R (“False Emotions Appearing as Real) that comes with it. He claimed in court documents that Michelle was an alcoholic, and frequently intoxicated while caring for their son. She claimed he was bipolar and not taking his medications. The attacks go on and on. In my research, one of the reader comments read “So now we waste money on a trial? Extinguish his lights. The parties over.” Other than this ignorant person’s inability to properly use a contraction, he highlights the real tragedy of this situation: We continue to ignore the problem, failing to respond to the cry for help.
Divorce court taps into our darkest behaviors because it is a "win/lose" arena, with lawyers as gladiators and judges as God. Are you kidding me??? This family needed help. They needed a child specialist (a person actually trained in working with children going through trauma), not "minor's counsel, an attorney who has NO training at all in working with children; divorce coaches (mental health professionals who help the parents work through their emotions, identify the triggers, confirm and take steps to ensure emotional and mental stability, and keep them focused on the child), not an evaluator, who puts them under a micro-scope to highlight their deficiencies and then reports back to the judge; a financial specialist (CPA or financial planner, or both, who work with both parents to provide a clear picture of the financial situation now and moving forward, and who could allay the fears that drive people towards irrational financial decisions); and attorneys who are trained in problem solving rather than “winner take all” battle tactics, and who understand the importance of allowing the other professionals to do their jobs so that this family could make calm, rational decisions.
The real tragedy is that people keep going to divorce court and hiring their gladiator attorneys thinking all of these problems will be solved there. No one learns from these events that put a temporary spotlight on just how broken our family law system is. The real tragedy, is when that spotlight fades: no one sees the day-to-day suffering in divorce as handled by our family court system; the child who’s parent refuses to see him because of the conflict with the other parent; the father who moves from friends’ couch to friends’ couch because he can’t afford the support payments and rent. In fact, Ms. Fournier’s attorney described the most recent court hearing as “benign”. How out of touch and desensitized do you have to be to describe a custody hearing (even one where nothing happens) as “benign”. It is anything but “benign” to the family living through that hell.
I’m outraged by the vilification of either of these parents. I’m outraged that this child has lost BOTH of his parents. But more than anything else, I’m outraged because instead of promoting change and a better way to resolve these situations, most members of the bench AND the bar continue to advocate AGAINST peaceful resolution options for divorce. For many, such advocacy is based on fear: the California State Bar will prosecute any attorney for any perceived offense, no matter how minor or how unintentional. Too many litigators cite “waivers of confidentiality” or “dereliction of duty” as an advocate for reasons why they will not support peaceful solutions for divorce. Others deem it a “waste of time and money” if a resolution is not reached. How long does a contested divorce last? Three, four years? But a three month mediation doesn’t resolve all issues, so it was a waste? Really? Well, folks, if you’re not part of the solution, in this situation you ARE the problem. You have the knowledge AND the ability to help families in crisis. Family law is NOT rocket science. It’s emotion driven. It really doesn’t matter, at the end of the day, if there is an exact 50/50 split of all assets, debts, and children. What matters is helping these families stop the destructive cycle so that they can move forward in a productive way, with tools that help them work through tough situations, rather than clog the courts with more gripes.
I challenge every family law professional out there to research who Scott Dekraai and Michelle Fournier were, before their marriage, and before and during their divorce. Then consider the end result. See if it rings true with any of your current or past cases. Actually take the time to get to know your clients AND who their spouses are. Then ask yourself, what can you do differently so that there is a positive result for those families. If you can’t figure it out, then you’re the problem. Do something... ANYTHING... but don’t let this tragedy end without a lesson.