Standards of Conduct for Mediation

The Model Standards of Conduct for Mediators are the fundamental ethical guidelines for persons mediating in all practice contexts. The Standards were drafted by the American Arbitration Association, the American Bar Association’s Section of Dispute Resolution, and the Association for Conflict Resolution.

The preamble of the Standards indicate they serve three primary goals: to guide the conduct of mediators, to inform the mediating parties, and to promote public confidence in mediation as a process for resolving disputes.

As I have indicated in the past, mediation is a process in which an impartial third party facilitates communication and negotiation and promotes voluntary decision making by the parties to the dispute. Mediation serves various purposes, including providing the opportunity for parties to define and clarify issues, understand different perspectives, identify interests, explore and assess possible solutions, and reach mutually satisfactory agreements, when desired.
There are the following ten Standards: Self-determination, Impartiality, Conflicts of Interest, Competence. Confidentiality, Quality of the Process, Advertising and Solicitation, Standard Viii. Fees and Other Charges, and Advancement of Mediation Practice. To read the complete Standards of Conduct go to:

http://www.acrnet.org/about/initiatives/QualityAssurance/standards-conduct.htm

As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/29/08

Tarahumara

We just returned from a wonderful trip on the Chihuahua Pacifico Railroad through the Cooper Canyon region of Mexico. As always, I got a baseball cap with railroad’s acronym Chepe on the crest of the hat. One of the most interesting parts of the trip was observing the Tarahumara Indians. They actually call themselves the Raramuri which means the Runners and they are some of the best runners in the world. Running up and down the canyons is an important part of their culture as well as a means of transportation and communication. I loved their colorful dress. They are a very primitive group of about 70,000 Indians. Many live in caves for part of the year. Until recently, they survived as subsistence farmers but more recently have earned money by selling crafts to tourists and accepting payment for allowing their picture to be taken. There also seems to be more begging. Many seemed to have no emotional affect. I wonder if modern civilization had done more harm than good. On the other hand, they are able to survive without modern conveniences. I don’t think I could do the same. As always, I asked about their marriage and divorce practices. They have very little tribal structure but when a couple wants to get married, the prospective husband, asks the leader for permission. If the leader says yes, the couple lives together and is considered married. Divorce is easy and frequent. If a couple wants to get divorce, they just separate and the wife usually keeps most property and the children. There does not seem to be a great need for mediation! As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/26/08

Golden Retriever and Mediation

Molly was our golden retriever for 14 years. She would sometimes come with me to divorce mediation sessions. She was a great help both as an ice breaker and as an indicator of tension levels. If the couple got angry, she would get upset. I now work with Rescue a Golden of Arizona transporting gold retrievers to a new and better home. It is a very rewarding experience. In addition I get to use my mediation skills not only with new and old owners but with parties who want to have more than one dog. As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/23/08

Florida Divorce: Alimony

Divorce cases generate many questions about alimony. Today we talk about the types of alimony available in Florida. Alimony is based primarily on the receiving spouse’s need and the paying spouse’s ability to pay.

Temporary Alimony is payable while the divorce case pending. This type of alimony cannot be waived, even in a prenuptial agreement because it is based on the legal duty to support your spouse. It ends at final judgment.1

At final judgment, there are three possible types of alimony in the law.

Permanent Alimony is what we traditionally think of when we hear the word “alimony.” It is paid as long the receiving former spouse is alive and remains unmarried. If the receiving spouse moves into a “supportive relationship,” Florida law now permits permanent alimony to be modified or changed. If the paying spouse dies first, his or her estate has to continue to pay.

Rehabilitative Alimony is paid while the receiving spouse gets education or training that will allow him/her to be self-supporting. To be eligible for rehabilitative alimony, there must be a specific plan for the education.

Lump Sum Alimony is awarded, but not often. This is payment of a specific amount, in either one payment or payments over time. Once ordered, the whole amount becomes the property of the receiving spouse. This alimony cannot be modified.

In some areas of the state, judges have created a fourth type of alimony called “bridge the gap,” meant to ease the transition to single life when there is no rehabilitative plan. This is another type that cannot be changed once ordered.

Mediation or Meditation

Mediation or Meditation, the difference in the words is only the letter T. You would be amazed how often the words are confused. A few years ago by yellow page proof came back as the Center for Divorce Meditation! I have heard of mediators being listed under meditation in the yellow pages. Perhaps there is a reason the words are confused or perhaps people who are getting divorced should meditate. As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/20/08

DIY Courses Begin

The DIY Divorce Tele Classes begin Monday with the free Tele Test Drive Class on Basic Florida Divorce Law. The Tele Test Drive lets you check out how our virtual classroom works and the kind of information and material you can expect in the DIY Divorce courses.

If you are interested in the June class, sign up now. space is limited. You can learn more about the courses and virtual classroom on our website.

Nevda Governor's Divorce and Marital Home

One of the big initial issues in any divorce is who stays in the marital home. In fact in many cases once that issue is resolved, the couple is not in any rush to get divorced! The issue took an interesting twist when the governor of Nevada, Jim Gibbon, when the governor left the official residence and his Wife stayed. Something similar happened when Rudy Giuliani got divorced. It does not seem to make any difference if you are a governor or a mayor. See the entire story at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/03/us/03nevada.html?ex=1367553600&en=5c485df436e0d651&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink. As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/16/08

Robin Williams Collaborative Divorce

Celebrity divorces are important because they can set the trend for the average couple. It was significant that Robin Williams is getting a collaborative divorce. See one of the many articles at http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/05/61388/index.html People reports that the papers, which were filed in San Francisco, include the following agreement: "We will strive to be honest, cooperative and respectful as we work in this process to achieve the future well being of our families. We commit ourselves to the collaborative law process and agree to seek a positive way to resolve our differences justly and equitably." As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/14/08

Best Divorce Mediators

Every year I get a publication listing the Best Attorneys from somewhere. I am always bothered that there is not a similar list for Divorce Mediators. I have decided to do my own list. I am going to email the Advance Pratitioner Members of each state and ask them to nominate the Best Divorce Mediators in their state. If I get at least two votes, I will include the Divorce Mediator on my list. Let me know if you have any nominees. As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/9/08

Florida Divorce: Frequently Asked Questions

Can I stop a no-fault divorce?

If one of the spouses believes that the marriage is “irretrievably broken,” the divorce will very likely be granted. The “no fault” law makes it extremely difficult to stop a divorce.

Can I date while separated?

Until the Final Judgment is signed by the judge, you are still married. Regardless of what this means to you, it is important not to introduce your dating partners to your children until you have established a relationship you believe is serious.

How long does it take to get a divorce?

Once all the required documents have been filed by both of you, your case is ready for final hearing. The scheduling of that hearing depends on your area. Expect the whole process to take a minimum of two months.

Can we use the same lawyer to save money?

The Rules Regulating the Florida Bar prohibit an attorney from representing more than one party in a case. Even if you both agree, the attorney can only represent one of you in a divorce case.

China, Marriage, and Automobiles

China has always fascinated me. I took Chinese history in college and we plan to travel to China someday. I love automobiles and marriage is part of my profession. It was a triple hit, China, marriage and automobiles.Thus, an article in the Thursday, April 24, 2008, New York Times by Keith Bradsher entitled "With First Car, a New Life in China - Attracting New Respect and a Good Marriage," caught my eye. I You can see the entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/24/business/worldbusiness/24firstcar.html?ex=1366776000&en=77638e6bb77d4628&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink. According to Bradsher there is an explosive growth in first-time car buyers in China which is (you should excuse the pun) the driving force behind the record car sales in China. One of the reasons cited for new car buyers is the belief by parents that without a car their sons wouldn’t be able to find wives. One new wife said that "young women in China consider a man to be marriage material only if he can take them on dates in a car."

Automobiles have always been an integral part of the courting ritual in the United States so it should not come as a surprise that automobiles are also important in China. This is certainly my memory of high school.

As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/7/08

Florida Divorce - Meeting Your Responsibilities

Representing yourself in a divorce means that you need to study the law, rules of procedure and your local court's administrative orders. These resources are all available online in Florida.

The laws you will need to become familiar with include Chapters 44, 48 and 61 of the Florida Statutes. Chapter 44 covers mediation rules. Chapter 48 covers service of process and the court's jurisdiction. Chapter 61 is the actual divorce law and includes custody and child support.

You will also need to know the rules of procedure. The Florida Family Rules and Procedure (Fla. Fam. L.R.P.) outline the divorce procedure requirements. Some of the family rules refer back to the Florida Civil Rules of Procedure, so you will need access to the civil rules as well. Both the statutes and the procedural rules are contained in our link section.

Finally, you should review the local administrative rules. Each court seems to have some local procedural requirements outlined in the administrative rules. For example, in the 6th Circuit there are special local forms you need to file your case. Many times, the model visitation schedule for your area is contained in an administrative order. So be sure to search your court's website so that you can represent yourself in your Florida divorce.

Softball and Divorce

One of the advantages of living in a University town like Tucson, is that you can take advantage of all the university has to offer. We enjoy attending cultural and sport events. We recently added our first University of Arizona Women’s Softball game. The team was national champions last year and we expected an exciting game. There certainly was excitement in the air as we walked to our seats with the night lights on, music playing, the smell of hotdogs, and the announcer introducing the teams. It is always a thrill to hear the national anthem at sports events. You may be asking what does all this have to do with Divorce Mediation. I always see metaphors for mediation or the application of a sport to mediation. We learned two new things at the game. First the mercy rule and second slap hitting.

The mercy rule, also well known by the slightly less polite term slaughter rule (or, less commonly, knockout rule and skunk rule), brings a sports event to an early end when one team has a very large and presumably insurmountable lead over the other team. The mercy rule is most common in games such as baseball or softball, where there is no game clock and play could theoretically continue forever, although it is also used in sports such as hockey, football, and soccer. It made me wonder if there should be a mercy rule in divorce. Should the divorce stop when one party exceeds a certain limit of money?

We were at first confused when we saw a hitter running before she tried to hit the ball. We asked a fellow spectator what it was all about and she said it was slap hitting. She explained that slap hitting is an offensive strategy designed to place stress on the defense and provide more opportunities for our offense to score runs. The slap hitter must be concerned with getting on base anyway she can. Thus, on base percentage is much more important to her than batting average is. Using this technique, the batter first begins by running in the batter’s box and then contacts the ball. Should divorce avoid strategies which are designed to put more stress on the other party and concentrate on problem solving?

As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/5/08

Representing Yourself in Divorce - Your Responsibilities

Representing yourself in your divorce case is called “pro se.” Legal dictionaries define "pro se" as someone who represents them self in a legal procedure without an attorney.

You have the right to represent yourself in court, however, you must understand that choosing to represent yourself means the court will expect you to follow the same rules and procedures that an attorney must follow. You will need to study Florida law and procedures.

The judge in your case must remain impartial and cannot do anything to give any appearance of being partial to either side. This includes giving legal advice and having contact with either party without the other being present. When you go into court, the judge may give you information about what may be wrong with the papers you filed. Listen carefully.

Court staff can only assist you with procedures. Procedural information includes such matters as where to obtain forms for some procedures, how to file a petition, answer requirements, service requirements on common procedures, how to get a default, how to file a motion, how to get a hearing, etc.

Very often there is a fine line between procedural information and legal advice. Staff cannot give legal advice. Basically, questions are taken on an individual basis and a judgment is made about whether or not the question involves giving legal advice. If you are told that your question is legal advice, just accept that it is and don't continue to question court employees to help you when they cannot.

Filling out forms is definitely considered legal advice. You will need to seek an attorney’s assistance or learn some Florida law if you have any questions regarding "what to put in the blanks." The DIY Divorce courses are designed to help you learn Florida divorce law. Use the box on the left to sign up now for a free Tele-Test Drive.

Mediation in Cuba

A few years ago we were fortunate to take a tour of Cuba for mediators. It was organized by Vicky Ryder of New York. Cuba is a beautiful country. We met with the head of mediation for the University of Havana. I was given a book about mediation in Cuba but my high school Spanish is not good enough to read the book! Mediation is universal. We also met with the Havana Bar Association. Divorce in Cuba is not as complicated as here. There are no issues dealing with health care or housing and there is a strong presumption that the Mother retains custody of the children. Another highlight of the trip was visiting Ernest Hemingway’s home. One of the great results of the case was that I met some wonderful mediators from all over the country who have been become good friends including Jennifer Kresge.

As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/2/08

Avoid These 4 Mistakes in Your Florida Divorce

Florida divorce procedures can be like navigating a maze at a time when you're already feeling confused. If you are representing yourself in a Florida divorce, avoid these four common mistakes.

• Asking your friends for legal advice. Unless you are friends with a Florida divorce attorney, avoid asking them for legal advice. You will get different advice and end up taking a poll. It will make you crazy. If you are representing yourself, get expert advice when you need it, but to do this right, you need to learn about Florida divorce law.

• Incomplete Financial Affidavit. This is the most important document of your case if you have any property, debt or children. Take the time to get accurate information. Use at the past 12 months of household bills. Call the companies if you don’t have the information. Get current values for all accounts at the date of filing the petition for dissolution of marriage.

• Not customizing the Florida divorce forms. Your case is unique. The official online forms do not always permit you to add sufficient information to get what you want. If you want to ask that property be sold over your spouse’s objection, you need to include all the requirements for a partition action. The form permits only 5 additional lines of information for “other relief.” This is not enough space to meet the requirements for the relief you want in your Florida divorce.

• Not Seeking Expert Help. There are times when it just makes sense to get some expert help with your case. If you have complicated or unique finances, you may need an accountant. If you have complicated property issues or non-marital assets, you may want to talk to an attorney about legal treatment of the property or to an accountant about valuation issues. There are just times when it makes sense to seek expert advice in your Florida divorce.